MAKING HER LOVE YOU


Most of us have read enough and been through enough to know the signs to look out for that indicate a relationship’s gone toxic. We pretty instinctively recognize a dating red flag when it pops up on the first meeting with someone, and consciously try to avoid the codependency that comes with losing our identity to our partner. But how do we know if our relationship is, well, just actually working? They say when you know, you know – but sometimes it’s nice to have reassurance you’re on the right track. Read on for 11 signs you’re actually in a really healthy adult relationship — and some tips on how to keep it that way… 1. You like doing things together This might seem obvious, but if you’re in a relationship with someone, you should actually enjoy being with each other. You don’t have to like all the same things, but having shared interests is essential. Whether it’s watching sports, hiking, or just sitting next to each other reading quietly, you genuinely like hanging out together. 2. You can relax with each other You don’t have to let it all hang out all the time, never dressing up or trying to make a good impression, but you’re not always on your best behavior either, constantly trying to look perfect and say the right thing, all the while wondering if your partner is silently judging you. You’re secure enough to be yourself, and you know your S.O. loves you just as you are. 3. You know how to fight fair Fights are part of any healthy relationship; the key is knowing how to fight. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work author, Dr. John Gottman says it’s all about how you approach those inevitable conflicts when they arise. According to Gottman, the first three minutes of a fight are crucial, as they set the tone for how the rest of the discussion will go, and should ideally be a ‘soft startup,’ which means you don’t begin an argument by attacking your partner. Fighting can feel upsetting and awful, but if you and your partner are able to have constructive arguments that end with both of you feeling heard and loved, you’re doing great. And wouldn’t it be sad if neither of you cared enough to fight about anything, ever? 4. You both admit when you’re wrong — and say you’re sorry Love definitely does mean having to say you’re sorry. Part of knowing how to fight is being able to admit when you screwed up — and apologize for it. After a fight, both partners should be willing to own up and accept their share of responsibility for what happened. It shouldn’t always be the same person apologizing. No one is right all the time, or wrong all the time. (Besides, most of the time fights aren’t about right or wrong anyway.) Couples who aren’t afraid to say, “I messed up, and I’m sorry” after the dust has settled on an argument are doing something right. 5. Three words: lots of sex Let’s just admit it: if you’re not doing it, it’s not working. And if it’s not good, why bother? Therapist and author of The Sex-Starved Marriage, Michele Weiner-Davis, says good sex “offers couples opportunities to give and receive physical pleasure, to connect emotionally and spiritually. It builds closeness, intimacy and a sense of partnership. It defines their relationship as different from all others. In short, sex is a powerful tie that binds.” The definition of ‘lots’ will vary from couple to couple, but here’s something to keep in mind: therapists define a sexless marriage as one in which couples have sex less than 10 times a year, which is slightly less than once a month. 6. You celebrate each other’s successes Sure, you’re there for each other when things go wrong — but how do you respond when things are going great for your partner? Experts say that’s often more important to a relationship. UC Santa Barbara associate professor of psychology, Dr. Shelly Gable conducted an experiment in which she asked couples to talk about negative and positive things that had happened to them recently, then categorized their partner’s response on a scale of most destructive to most helpful. Gable found praise for positive things made the most impact on people, even more than sympathy for sad stuff. The worst reaction was passivity, no matter what people were responding to. Being happy and enthusiastic about your partner’s success is a recipe for a healthy, happy relationship. 7. You laugh together Have you ever fallen in love with someone who didn’t make you laugh? Nope? There’s a reason for that. Getting each other’s sense of humor, cracking each other up, being playful together — all these things are clues that your relationship is firing on all cylinders. Plus, having a sense of humor makes life a lot more fun, and sharing it with your partner is key. When the laughter starts to die out of your relationship, it’s a surefire sign the spark has faded. 8. You can have comfortable silences When you can be quiet together and neither of you is simmering with resentment or desperately wondering how to break the silence, it’s a beautiful thing. You don’t have to talk all the time when you’re in a healthy relationship. You can let conversation ebb and flow, work or read side by side comfortably, and not get scared that something is wrong. 9. You spend time apart and are really okay with it In a healthy relationship, both partners have their own interests and strong independent friendships outside the relationship. You’re not attached at the hip, going everywhere together and replacing all of each others’ friends. You don’t even have to live together. Out of sight isn’t out of mind, necessarily — or at least, not for long. Rather, a little bit of absence really can make the heart go fonder. Plus, when you come back together again, you’ll have more to talk about (see #11, below). 10. You’re not worried about the future We’ve all had those relationships where we’re constantly trying to figure out where we stand and where the relationship is headed. But in a healthy relationship, you’re not always wondering what’s coming next. That doesn’t mean you never think about the future, but you’re content to be in the moment, not worrying whether you should break up with your partner or whether you’re meant to be together forever. 11. And you can still surprise each other Relationships can get boring after a while if you don’t continue to actively work on them; you’ve heard all each other’s stories 37 times before, know what your S.O. likes to do on a Friday night after work, can reliably get each other off in bed and still squeeze in a chapter of your book before you go to sleep. But the best relationships still have that element of surprise, and that keeps things interesting. Psychologist and marriage counselor Esther Perel says introducing new and unexpected elements into your relationship not only infuses it with passion but also triggers the same rush of feelings you had when you were first falling in love, which is why that ‘in love’ feeling never completely goes away in the healthiest relationships.

Advertisements

READ THIS INSPIRING AND TOUCHING STORY

A moral

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package. What food might this contain?” The mouse wondered – he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap. Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning: There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!” The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, “Mr.Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it.” The mouse turned to the goat and told him, “There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!” The goat sympathized, but said, “I am so very sorry, Mr.Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers.” The mouse turned to the cow and said “There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!” The cow said, “Wow, Mr. Mouse. I’m sorry for you, but it’s no skin off my nose.” So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer’s mousetrap alone. That very night a sound was heard throughout the house – like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer’s wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer’s wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital , and she returned home with a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his matchet to the farmyard for the soup’s main ingredient. But his wife’s sickness continued, so friends and neighbours came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the goat. The farmer’s wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them. The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness. MORAL LESSON So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn’t concern you, remember when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. We are all involved in this amazing journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another. Each of us may not be connected through a blood line, we may not even be friends. But we are all connected through humanity and God’s love - Remember - Each of us is a vital thread in another person's tapestry. Our lives are woven together for a reason. True and lesson learnt :let's always give each other ashoulder to lean on.

TONIGHT’S PRAYER


Our Heavenly Father we come before you again this time of the hour thanking you for all you've done for us throughout the day We thank you for the gift of life and protection you are offering to us your children you've led us safely throughout the day and made it success for us May you again have watch over us tonight as we rest our dear father Sent us your Guardian angels to protect us tonight from any evil that might have been planned against us oh lord Cover as by the blood of your son and let's be safe under thy hands tonight for it is my humble prayer in Jesus mighty name.AMEN HAVE A BLESSED NIGHT GOOD PEOPLE

*UR EYES WILL ENJOY THIS* BECOS MINE DID, AND THE MESSAGE LIGHTENS UP MY FAITH!


*UR EYES WILL ENJOY THIS* BECOS MINE DID, AND THE MESSAGE LIGHTENS UP MY FAITH! *The Holy Alphabet... This is Beautiful...* Whoever came up with this one must have been filled with the Holy Spirit! *A* lthough things are not perfect, *B* ecause of trial or pain, *C* ontinue in thanksgiving *D* on't even think of whom to blame . *E* ven when the times are hard, *F* ierce winds are bound to blow, *G* od is forever able *H* old on to Jesus . *I* magine life without His love, *J* oy would cease to be, *K* eep thanking Him for all the things *L* ove imparts you to see. *M* ove out of Complaining, *N* o weapon that is known *O* n earth can yield the power *P* raise can do alone. *Q* uit worrying about the future, *R* edeem the time at hand, *S* tart every day with prayer *T* o 'thank' is God's command. *U* ntil we see Him coming, *V* ictorious in the sky, *W* e'll run the race with gratitude, *X* alting the Most High God. *Y* es, there'll be good times and yes some will be bad, but... *Z* ion awaits in glory...where no one is ever sad! The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything.. Love and peace be with you forever, Amen. PLS: GOD LOVES YOU...PASS THE WORD ON TO MORE FRIENDS AND ASK THEM TO CONTINUE TELLING OTHERS THAT GOD LOVES THEM AND HIS SON IS THE ONLY WAY TO SALVATION TOO.